Children Centred Divorce services for separating families

As a parent myself, I can say with absolute conviction that I would do absolutely anything for my kids. For as long as I am able (and they let me) I will be there to celebrate with them on their good days, advise, support and advocate for them on their challenging days and with open arms to cuddle and wipe away their tears on their worst days. Never ever will I intentionally do them harm and I will protect them with my life.

It would be safe for me to say that I am not alone in these promises that I make to my children. Yet, when parental relationships break down, it is the children that can often find themselves stuck in the middle of warring parents, worrying about what the future may hold and, in the worst cases, used as a weapon to cause harm and distress. 

Whilst these situations are far from ideal, they are understandable. As a parent facing separation, you are likely to be facing emotional turmoil, grief at the lost relationship and the dashed hopes and dreams for the future and anxiety as to what the new future might hold. This coupled with a sense of abandonment or betrayal can make it extremely difficult to deal with the issues arising because of the separation amicably, let alone in a child focused way.

When we talk about a Child Centred Divorce, we are talking about ensuring that consideration of the children’s welfare and needs are at the centre of every step that is taken. It is done with the understanding that the children have two parents and that having both parents actively involved in their life can provide social, psychological and health benefits so long as it is safe. 

We also recognise that frequent, intense and poorly resolved conflict between parents can place children at risk of mental health issues, behavioural, social and academic problems and affect their long-term outcomes.

Our family solicitors understand this and will do everything we can to ensure the best outcome for your children and you. Ensuring a Child Centred Divorce is achieved in a number of ways:

1) Communication

It can be very helpful to ensure an open line of communication with your ex-partner. Care needs to be taken to make sure that communications are constructive and non-confrontational. Do not use the children to pass messages between you.

Parental Communication Apps such as Our Family Wizard can be very helpful with day to day communications about the children.

It is also really important to be mindful of the information that is shared with the children. They do not need to know all the details as to why the relationship has broken down or what your respective financial situations or concerns are. 

Do not talk negatively of their other parent in front of them or in earshot and don’t allow anyone else to do so either.

2) Dispute Resolution

If there are issues which you are having difficulty agreeing, mediation can offer a really great option. It allows you both to have assistance from a mediator who is independent and impartial to consider the issues and potential solutions in a safe and child focused environment. Child Inclusive mediation is also available and this allows specially trained mediators to speak directly to the children in appropriate situations so that their views can be heard.

As solicitors, we can provide legal advice and correspond with your ex partner on your behalf as well as provide representation should applications have to be made to the court. 

As members of Resolution, we are committed to promoting a constructive approach to family issues that considers the needs of the whole family. 

At Birkett Long LLP, we also have a number of family solicitors who are collaboratively trained. This process involves you each hiring a collaboratively trained lawyer and then all meeting to negotiate face to face without making an application to the court.

3) Clear Child Focused Objectives

The laws in relation to parental separation are child focused. When considering the arrangements for children, any decision should be based upon what is in the best interests of the child. Whilst their wishes and feelings will be taken into account, this does not mean that the children have to, nor should they, be made to decide between their parents. 

Consideration is also given to the child’s needs, the parents ability to meet those needs, any risk of harm and the effect of any change in circumstances. So long as it is safe, the presumption should be that the children want to spend good quality time with each parent and the focus then on the practical arrangements to allow that to happen.

When an application is made to court, the judge will likely order Cafcass to complete a S7 report. This provides the court will more information about your child's welfare and will recommend actions that the Cafcass officer believes would be in the child's best interests. It is also likely that the court will order both parents to attend a Planning Together for Children Course. 

When considering the financial aspects of separation, the children should remain the primary focus with the needs of a child under the age of 18 considered to be the court’s paramount concern when determining what would be a fair outcome.

4) Clear Child Focused Outcomes

There is a preference for all issues which concern children to be resolved and agreed by their parents without having to make an application to the court. To that end there is also a no order presumption. This means that the court will only make an order (even a consent order) if it is better for the child than having no order at all.

However, even if any agreement is not going to be set out within a consent order, there is a real benefit in ensuring that there is a clear agreement and routine in place setting out the arrangements for the children. It ensures that everyone (including the children) know what is happening and when they will be able to see their parents. It also reduces scope for conflict and supports your future co-parenting obligations. A parenting plan can be really helpful in achieving this and is again, something that we can help with.

For more information about how we can help, our family solicitors all offer a free initial 15 minute telephone appointment to discuss your needs. I can be contacted on 01206 217305 or via email karen.johnson@birkettlong.co.uk